hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
