well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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