tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
