We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
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See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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