Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
