i already hear my dad disowning me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
