I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
