You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
