based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize