Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
