my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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