Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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