According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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