Don't you send me to vm
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
