You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
