She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
