I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
