I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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