Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
