benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
