I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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