I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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