Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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