i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
