She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
