I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
