If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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