My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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