mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
