i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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