Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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