did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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