after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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