Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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