You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
