You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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