I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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