I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
