You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
