I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
