My nipple is on Facebook.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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