I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
vagina is talking i cant
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
