you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My ass is underappreciated
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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