Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
