i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
