From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
