ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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