no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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