woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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