just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
