He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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