NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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