i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
