I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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