her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
