she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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