just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
