ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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