She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
