We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
