Screwed.edu
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
