Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
