i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
