Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
