Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
