Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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